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The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.
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Luigi Mangione Pleads Guilty
Luigi Mangione pleaded guilty to federal stalking charges in the 2024 killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, facing a maximum sentence of life in prison. What do you think? "Great, so I sent all of those love letters to a criminal?" Joan Piechota
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Pros And Cons Of Wearing Shorts In The Office
Whether shorts are office-appropriate attire has ignited an online debate. The Onion examines the pros and cons of wearing shorts in the office. PRO New scapegoat for bad quarter Good to have full range of movement while sitting stationary for eight hours
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David Attenborough Admits To Exaggerating Wonder Of Seals
LONDON-Acknowledging that the sea mammals were far from being "awe-inspiring, beautiful creatures or a splendor of nature," an embarrassed David Attenborough finally admitted this week to exaggerating the wonder of seals. "While I did several monologues i
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White House Doctor Claims President Has Always Been Face Drawn Onto Cantaloupe
WASHINGTON-Dismissing public concern about the president's health as baseless speculation, Capt. Sean Barbabella, the director of the White House Medical Unit, announced at a press conference Friday that Donald Trump has always been a face drawn onto a ca
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Mark Zuckerberg's Yacht Fails To Respond To Maritime Distress Call
After a megayacht owned by Mark Zuckerberg failed to respond to a distress signal from a skiff that had run out of fuel, a spokesperson for the centibillionaire claimed his crew did not hear the call for help. What do you think? "Hasn't he helped the worl
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